headspace, balance, and other anomalies

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I am on a continual quest to find these things on my path through motherhood. Sometimes I feel it hits – voila – a moment, a space, a sensation in the air: you can breathe and stand tall and freely. A time when the toys are in baskets and the washing is semi-done, the children are fed and semi-clothed, the beds are made and we have semi-slept. You smile and they smile and on you go. Other times it’s like wading through a relentless, chaotic, burdensome day of the groundhog. Like one of those dreams where you are trying so desperately to get somewhere and you try to move your limbs, and it hurts, but you’re swimming through wet concrete, it’s sticking to your skin and pulling you backwards and downwards.

As a mother, I am forever yo-yoing between these two places and in amongst the grey matter that resides from here to there. Things are changing, nothing is stagnant. There are continually things to learn, to be, to do. It can be overwhelming.

Will we parents ever get to the other end? I think part of it is just accepting that perhaps we won’t. To find those joyous moments amongst the chaos, to hug and kiss and love our children and read them that extra bedtime story they so long for, to stay here, in the now, and not worry about what is happening tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. To remember why we do what we do, to focus on the values of family and connection, and what that means for you, and yours.

Do you know what I mean?

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5 thoughts on “headspace, balance, and other anomalies

  1. Step back, smell the roses, and enjoy those moments with your children Lucy. Before you know it they will be all grown up and living independently. Apart from the few bounces back, sometimes with partners and even the grandchildren!

  2. Yes, I know what you mean. It always feels like I’m one step behind, always catching up. Now that my babies are both in school, it feels like there’s ever more to do. Two lots of readers every night, two rounds of homework every week, two school uniforms to keep clean, two healthy lunches to make every morning, two sets of music lessons and at-home practice to oversee, two school notice packs to check and fill out, two heads to check for lice, two lots of heartbreak to manage when school friendships get tricky. I try to remember that there will always be new problems arising, new solutions to be put in place, no matter what stage we are currently going through. I also know that they will be disappointed a lot of the time because things aren’t just like they want them to be. I find that the most difficult part. You’re doing a great job Motherwho.

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