just one big fat hippy yo-yo

Yo. Hope you’re having an awesomely marvellous night.

I am having a ripper of a night. You know why? I’ll tell you. I have literally just learnt how to type TWO handed WHILE holding the SLEEPING Pixie WITHOUT the use of a sling. Can you believe that? Can you picture it? Me, here, right this very moment, typing this out at a ridiculous speed because I am a bloody fast typer even with one hand but TWO handed phew my fingers are all a blur and the Pixie is lying across my lap with her head in the crook of my arm sleeping away?

Anyhoo. Spectacular stuff. But that wasn’t what I came here to chat about.

I am seriously losing out here peeps. The Pixie: 98633676545 / Mummy: 0. Sad face.

This kid Will. Not. Sleep.

I’m getting lots of “Oh yeah, mine is a terrible sleeper too, they slept only two sleeps yesterday of like an hour and then two hours in the afternoon and then totally woke up once overnight too, oh gosh they were so tired! And I’m exhausted!” (Please note I do have good friends who are having sleep issues with their babies too – THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I love you and wouldn’t be mean like that.) This situation is usually reserved for mothers that I smile at and befriend in the shopping queue or at the library when you’re doing the motherly thing and smiling at each other and rolling your eyes at your children grabbing chupa chups (I think that may be the wrong spelling) while you’re waiting in line and so on (Please chupa chups get your stupid lolly sticks up and out of my kid’s eye level!!!) But there I am giving my new found friends the evil side-ways squinty glare and nodding my head trying to be sympathetic but actually turning a mouldy green colour inside imagining all the things I could DO if my baby slept for ONE HOUR!!!!! Just ONE HOUR! Damn you shopping queue mothers and your hour-long-sleeping-babies!

If you haven’t noticed.

I’m delirious.

On lack of sleep.

I’m tired ladies and gents. So, so tire.d. [Typo ignored on-purpose to emphasise my point.]

I ask google what to do about 74 billion times a week but they aren’t really much help.

Get baby to sleep.

Baby doesn’t sleep 7 months.

Catnapper 7 months.

Sleep solutions.

Sleep problems.

Tired mothers.

Entertain toddler while baby not sleeping.

Get my baby to sleep.

How to get baby to sleep?

How to get baby to stay asleep?

How much sleep needed 7 months.

NEED SLEEP HOW TO GET?

I don’t really ever find any solutions. I suspect I am really just searching to find someone as damn tired as I am with a baby who sleeps just as badly as mine to make me feel like I’m not alone. Like I’m not doing everything wrong. Like I haven’t failed as a mother by producing the non-sleeping baby.

I am getting embarrassed and sick of telling people the truth when they ask me the dreaded question: how’s she sleeping? Because through all this my sweet little Pixie has been given the nasty-pastie label: Bad Baby. I hate her being seen as Bad Baby because aside from sleeping she is the most perfect and happy and cute little lady who sits up and giggles and concentrates and smiles endless smiles. And I also suspect my friends and family are getting quite bored with me being the Tired One all the time, I mean, haven’t I fixed the problem already? She’s still not sleeping??? [Insert me looking sheepish and feeling like Bad Mama who can’t get her kid to sleep when all the others are.]

But back to the title.

The hippy yo-yo.

That’s me.

I’m so confused guys!

I am like a giant-two-hand-typing-quinoa-salad-eating-fisherman-pants-wearing pendulum swinging from one side of the fence to the other.

Love the baby. Cuddle the baby. It will pass, it will pass.

You’re going in too quickly, you’re not giving her a chance. She has to learn to “self settle.”

Sleep with the baby. 

Don’t sleep with the baby. 

Trust your instincts, listen to your heart sweet mama.

Toughen up lady, you’re aren’t doing the kid any favours acting all nicey-la-la.

Give her the dummy.

Don’t give her the dummy. The evil dummy is causing all of these problems! If only you hadn’t given her the stupid dummy!

(Which one of these ladies do you like best? Hence the reason I’m here cuddling my baby I suppose and telling Mean Mama to get lost.)

Truth is, I thought I was all spectacular like, doing this for the second time. When I was pregnant I didn’t have a care in the world about parenting another baby. Everyone said “every baby’s different” and I rolled my eyes. How different can they be? 

Ok, yeah! Really different. I get it now. Ok, ok! She’s different alright? Yes, Pixie, you have proved your point darling baby!

I have never felt so conflicted about my beliefs. About what is right and wrong for me. I suppose I am realising that beliefs and what is right and wrong isn’t concrete throughout your life. That you have to adjust and change and some things work for one baby/situation and not the other, and that’s ok.

So for now, I try to relax. I try not to stress when my baby sleeps for 30 minutes at a time. I try not to worry about her needing sleep for her brain to develop. I try to go with the flow and smile and remember my post from yesterday. I try to make the most of all the cuddles and the TV I am getting to watch (unbelievable), the late nights and the driving around in the day.

But gee everyone, I find it hard. I sure do feel helpless and wish there was something I could do that would help her to sleep longer. It would be good to have A Plan.

A Plan usually makes things seem better, right?

I’m Planless. Sad face.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “just one big fat hippy yo-yo

  1. My youngest does not sleep. We are getting longer stretches now that she is 22 months old (around 3hours at a time) but I do remember the cat napping madness that was the first year and beyond.
    I did read something the other day about sleeping patterns being genetic so it’s kind of out of our hands and not something we should be blaming ourselves for.
    Wish I had some useful advice, we’re about to try OT to see if there’s anything along those lines that might help.
    Hugs to you.

    • Thanks Lila, also realised I never ended up emailing you when you offered advice previously, I’m sorry, life did get away with me for a while there. Thank you for your thoughts and I’m sorry to hear that your little precious is still not sleeping, I’m sure things will look up really soon now that she is nearing 2. Birdie wasn’t a fan of sleeping all night but things started to miraculously change recently around 3. Good luck!

  2. Hi there, just stumbled upon your blog via Instagram and I feel for you… All I can say is have you tried… (I know this is annoying when people say this yet i feel i have to.. ) some sort of body work?? Often from the birth little babies can be left a little misaligned, and they wake because they are uncomfortable. Some very gentle manipulation can be enough to help them settle and sleep for longer often cranio sacral works the best on little ones… Also lots of massage esp on tummy w camomile oil can really help also if you are breastfeeding something maybe upsetting babies tummy… Good Luck, sleep deprivation is like torture and madness I know!!!! I wish you sound sleeping and contented baby very soon, ps you are not a bad mummy! Just a good mummy doing her best with an unsettled baby who will grow out if this eventually one way or another just may need a little help x

    • Hi Kat, thanks so much for taking the time to post! Pixie has been getting some gentle chiro adjustments for a few months now, it has helped to sort a few things out! Thanks for your kind words, and apologies for the delayed reply, I did read and really appreciate them! Thank you!

  3. Oh Lucy I feel your woes terribly. Sounds like the exact issues I had with Mister E. I spent untold hours stuck on couch with finally sleeping babe on me, endlessly googling sleep stuff. (As an aside, have you read Ask Moxie (website)? I have to say I am so not a fan of parenting books or self professed gurus etc. But this site is a rare gem.) I can’t remember at what age E started extending his catnaps and not needing to sleep on me… perhaps around one? I know it’s little consolation now but she will grow out of it. You are doing an awesome job!! I feel for you and really hope things get easier soon. xxxx

    • Thanks Sam! I went and had a look at the Ask Moxie site, I can’t quite figure it out but there seems to be a lot of information on there! Will go back when I have some more time and have a dig around. Thanks so much! xoxo

  4. I remember being so amazed (in a horrified sort of way) with the ongoing battle that it was to get my little girl to sleep (any sleep!), practically from day one. I had no idea that it could be that way. She is a bit better now (at 2+ and after failed interventions by two sleep “experts”), but I was “boasting” the other day that I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in almost three years.

    My little boy sleeps more easily, but I am currently doing the same sort of ping-pong in my head as you have described. I am currently bed-sharing with him and after being a little unwell a couple of weeks ago he is waking a lot over night (sometimes every hour) and I am exhausted. He is a different kettle of fish to his sister and I think he could sleep better if I could extricate myself and leave him to it a bit more, but what I know intellectually and what I can actually do in the heat of the moment can be poles apart.

    Hang in there. Sleep dep sucks.

    • Hi Miranda, sorry it seems I missed this comment some how! I totally agree – what you know or plan to do intellectually can be a completely different story when you’re exhausted/home alone! Hope you’re getting a bit more sleep now and your boy has recovered. Sickness is the last thing you need when you’re already lacking in the sleep department! xo

  5. Pingback: A BREAKTHROUGH | motherwho

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s