It seems so surreal that I am 37 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has not been without challenges, many emotional and personal. I don’t remember that from last time. I always thought that the first pregnancy and birth would be the hardest, because you don’t know what to expect. I thought the second time around would be a breeze. Now I wonder if it becomes harder when you do know, you know what is at stake. You know the touch of newborn skin, the sound of baby’s call during the night. Little puffs of breath and tiny heartbeat is forever etched into your bones. You understand the bond between mama and child – so strong it is painful and achy and sharp. You can’t watch certain television programs and some stories are too hard to listen to now. You are too soft and open.
Yes, knowing all this makes everything seem stronger the second time around. Maybe you feel the same, or maybe you don’t.
I finished work ten days ago. It almost feels like I never went back two days a week for 19 months. I settle back into the flow of days at home quite nicely, thank you.
People have started asking me if I am ready and am I organised and have I got everything done? Hmmm. I know I have a to do list, somewhere in the back of my mind. Little things I would like to do before the little baby arrives. But instead I’m crocheting wooly hats and cardigans that this little spring blossom will likely not be able to wear. I’m playing with my 2.5 and learning how to manage her latest fad: Le Tantrum. I’m tidying and resting and reading, when I can. I’m making soda bread for the first time. I’m watching River Cottage.
I think I need to write a list. To get all the things out of the back of my mind and onto a piece of paper, so I can go about putting great big ticks next to each task.
Afterall, there will likely be no…
Back to belly!
(as Gurmukh says)
… until I do.
But I do like to procrastinate. I wonder if this baby does too.