I’ve made a real effort over the last few weeks to spend more time at home. I love being at home but tend to be a bit of a Yes Girl, never knowing how to say the N word – No.
N. O. Nup. Nope. NO. Nooooo!
So I drag poor Prince Charming and Baby from pillar to post on the weekends and I really do try very hard not to do that. Because being at home is wonderful. We had a great time at home over the weekend. Prince Charming planned out a new gate he is making for our deck. Baby found old bits of toast in the corners of the lounge room and ate them. I sewed and crocheted (please remind me every now and then that I am still in my twenties!!! How am I ever going to be the cute old nana in a rocking chair making nice rugs for grandkiddies that I strive to be, if I crochet myself into oblivion in my twenties?)
But this week, things have ramped up once again and we have been out and about (for work, not because I’ve been a Yes Girl) in the evenings and day times when we should have had better things to do. Today I had a team meeting for work and I had to drive to the Dandenongs in Melbourne. They are beautiful, and in my last role, pre-baby, I used to cover the region for the community development project I worked on. As I drove down the familiar roads I thought a lot about the last time I had driven those roads, when I was heavily pregnant and hanging to finish work and get on with my new life. The Old Me.
The feeling of the old me has stuck with me all day, kind of a melancholy-ish slash nostalgic (but not really) type feeling (loving my very apte and specific descriptions right now…) I have been thinking about who I used to be, and who I am now. I am the same person, but more. More open, more full, more rounded, more balanced. More Me.
At the risk of sounding completely corny, having a child really has opened my heart to my true self. The acts of growing, carrying, holding and giving all for one tiny baby have all brought me closer to the person I was meant to be. A Mother.
I love being a Mother. I love being The Real Me! Not The Old Me! I mean, she was great, but now, now I am that and more. If you read that line out loud, in a very loud yelling type voice it sounds a bit like a Harvey Norman ad.
My mind feels wider, wider like bigger like huge! Like I understand things now that I never could have begun to understand before. Things about love and life and being. Things about people and growth and humility and grace and kindness. Things about pain and worry. Things about anger and sadness.
It’s amazing, really. If you don’t believe me – try it for yourself! And then drive down old roads you used to drive down and crochet a bit and get a sore little finger so have to stop which leads you to watch a bit of Gossip Girl on the computer which then leads you to click your blog link then making you think a bit more about the roads you travelled (both today, AND in the past) and then you will see what I see. If you stare at your baby a bit while she is sleeping, that helps too.